So let's start off with some disappointment from last week. I thought I was getting my T letter last Wednesday when I went to therapy. Right off the bat she told me that it should be ready to sign this Monday and that I don't actually get the letter; it gets mailed to the endocrinologist that the office works closely with. Talk about an instant downer! I felt like I had just stepped in a pile of dog shit. You know the feeling, I'm sure. So okay, I have to wait a few more days. I can handle this (breathe, man, breathe!)...I think. Friday rolls around and I'm approached by the department manager. She informs me that the HR guy wants to have a conference call with me and her on Monday. Okay...double whammy here. Make that a triple whammy since Mondays are super stressful with the whole locker room bit.
So fast forward to Monday. I wake up and pop a xanax to calm me down a bit. It doesn't really help throughout the day as I anxiously await the conference call that I'm not worried about, but am dreading nonetheless. The afternoon rolls around and I send out an email to my therapist asking if she can send me an email letting me know if my T letter gets signed. It's almost 2pm at this time and I pop another xanax. I haven't taken this many in weeks! Yeah, it's a bad day. HR contacts my manager and says he has to postpone until Wednesday. I'm screaming internally and want to just collapse under the stress. Okay, you can handle this man. It's just 2 more days. Not a big deal. And guess what. Still no lockers in the gender neutral bathroom. Good news is that I get an email later that night from my therapist. My T letter has been signed! YES!!! Now do I contact him, or does he contact me?
Tuesday, nothing eventful happens. I guess that's a good thing, but I still haven't made up my mind on that one. Maybe Tuesday didn't happen. That's what I'm thinking anyway.
It's Wednesday now. Dun dun dun. Big day. Well, not really all that big, but probably just as stressful as Monday was. Morning is going well, but I haven't heard any word on what time the conference call is. Anxiety level rises a bit and I try to keep myself occupied by burying myself with work and listening to some Slipknot
. Music is good. Higher anxiety tends to make me dehydrated, so I'm drinking tons of water and Gatorade
. I'm talking with some coworkers as I grab a bite to eat in the break room and one of them has a fish tank they want to get rid of for free. I inquire about the size, which was 20 gallons, and reply that I was in the market for a 55 gallon tank because I wanted to get a lizard. He says for $50 he'll throw in a baby crested gecko. Talk about an opportunity! I ask about the care and maintenance and it turns out that they are pretty easy to take care of, which is ideal for me. So I said okay. Now I'm super excited about my new pet and run to a friend of mine and tell him. He has one too that he bought from the same guy and he was showing me pictures. At lunchtime I take a trip to his house to see my little gecko, which is about as adorable as anything you could imagine. I know, not very manly of me, but screw it! I also pick up the tank while I'm there so I can get it set up and ready for him (I can't confirm the sex so I'm referring to it as a him) when he comes home. 2:30 is now the confirmed time for the conference call.2:15pm - I wrap up what I'm working on in preparation for my conference call. I head to the bathroom and what do you know? Lockers! Okay, so now I have a home for my stuff that ISN'T in the women's locker room. Another brick falls from my shoulders. 2:30 is here and I head to the manager's office. She calls the HR guy and no answer. She leaves a message on his voicemail and we wait a few minutes. He calls back and we go through formalities and such. Basically he just wanted to touch base with me so I can be kept up to date on how they are proceeding with the adjustments of my transition. Okay, sounds good. He informs me of the legal research that he and the company's legal team has been doing and that because the company is focused on its employees and their satisfaction, it would be a terrible disservice to not address this in an accommodating manner. They are bringing in someone with a legal background who is familiar with gender transition in the workplace to train the people that I work around and with. I will be excluded from this program as they want to maintain an open dialogue with fellow coworkers without them feeling uncomfortable or worried about offending me. It will be a safe place for them to voice any concerns or provide feedback. There will be 2 meetings lasting approximately 2 hours each. One is for the people that I work with alongside me, my peers; and the other is for the supervisory staff. Then the feedback and concerns will be gathered and addressed and then I will be debriefed about the meeting the following week.
My only concern was with the gender neutral bathroom and the lockers. I was afraid that they would be regarded as a permanent solution. Much to my relief, they are not. I'll only use them for a little while as other people are trained and concerns are addressed. I swear, as soon as he told me that I could feel my chest relax instantly. It was probably the best news I've heard in a long time. Yes, even better than my T letter. I never imagined that going to the bathroom would be such a stressful event. It seems like it's all downhill from here, even though I know that isn't quite the truth. I have a long journey ahead and I'm just so happy to be making such great progress. And without such terrific friends like all of you who are reading this, I don't think I could make it. Thank you!
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