How ordinary

Well, this past week wasn't all that bad. Work was a bit crazy, but I've been doing well with my anxiety and how I feel about myself. I've made a pledge to myself to get into the gym at least twice a week before work so that I can get into better shape and I've been eating better food. I feel calmer. I feel proud. Proud of who and what I am.

I have realized that I am surrounded by people who are supportive, caring, and understanding. I've had some really great conversations with people this week about my transition. It was comforting to me that they felt they could approach me. Maybe the initial shock is over? I don't know. I'd like to think so, but unfortunately everyone still refers to me using female pronouns. I'm still seen as a "woman" that changed her name and appearance.

I'm still in the women's locker room at work, which is getting to be very frustrating at this point, and I can't wait to switch to the men's locker room. I try to stay out of there as much as I possibly can because there's just so much drama at work sometimes. At this point in time it's a waiting game. I guess there's still a snag with HR and how to "deal with" me. I make it sound like I'm some sort of problem, but I'm sure that I'm not seen that way. It's just my frustration talking. I need to remember that these things take time. I can't exactly expect anyone to understand, unless they've been through transition like this.

Another frustrating point right now is my voice. It gives me away at every turn and I'm eager to start T so I can further my transition and "pass" more as male. Complete with a deeper voice, some body and facial hair (I'm thinking goatee), and everything else that comes with it. Of course I know these changes aren't immediate and may take several years to take place, but it gives me hope in feeling more like the man I am. I know I'm closer to getting my T letter from my therapist and this makes me so incredibly happy. I look forward to each passing day as one day closer to being a man and one day further away from being that woman I miserably tried living as. It's relieving to know I'm getting closer. I feel less burdened and ready to face the days ahead. It's not the destination...it's the journey getting there.