I've made some great strides, some incredible realizations about myself recently. I've been doing me, so to speak. I've been putting myself out there and making myself vulnerable. We're all so vulnerable, when you think about it. Regardless of the walls we tell ourselves that we've built around our hearts so that we don't get hurt. The walls that no one can penetrate, that protect us. I'd rather feel all that life has to offer, including the sorrow and pain, than to live my life "protected."
I've been going out and making some really incredible friends. We've been hanging out, sharing life experiences, dancing our asses off, and just enjoying life. I feel closer to these people, in the short amount of time we've known each other, than most people I've known for years. Funny how life works, bringing people together when they least expect it. I've been experiencing a lot of positive events, and some that are really making me question what it is that I want in life.
For instance, I applied for a position at the company I work for that's located in Indiana. I did this back in February, and since I hadn't heard anything about the job for months, I just figured that the position was filled or eliminated. This past week, I interviewed for the position over the phone, and I think that it went well. I should know by the end of the week if they want me for the job or not. I'm excited about it, but at the same time I kind of don't want to leave. A lot of it has to do with the new friends that I've made, but a lot more of it is the work I've been doing on myself. I've been getting involved in the LGBTQ community, and I want to do so much more. I always wanted to leave NY, but I think for the wrong reasons. Before, I never had a sense of who I really was and I just wanted to run away from all of the hurt and pain and doubt I had in my life. Now, I may experience some of that same hurt and doubt and pain, but I no longer want to hide from it. I have been facing it head on, and it feels great.
I also am going to be moving out of my current living situation and out into my own apartment. Time to ditch the roommate! So, no more having to listen to him and his girlfriend having sex. No more irresponsibility. No more constant gibberish where he tries to impress me with his vast "knowledge." It's a wonder that I had ever been attracted to him and in a relationship with him. Sure we had some good times, but I think that was more of me just floundering about trying to find myself.
So, now I continue my journey of finding myself and letting go of who I thought I was, and I'm sure I will meet plenty of people along the way. I can only hope that I can teach them what I know and open their eyes to a whole new world. Hopefully I can teach them how to love one another, despite their differences. After all, it's what makes us different that makes the world such a beautiful place to live in.
