Future Planning

Today, I really questioned myself and exactly what it is that I want to do with my life. Funny, I'm 35 and I still have no clear idea of what it is that I want to do. I'm passionate about so much but can't quite nail anything down when it comes to my future. One thing for sure is that I don't want to clean mouse shit for the rest of my life!

I really want to be able to give back. I want to help others the way that I've been helped through my life. We're not talking handouts or anything here, but someone to listen and help make decisions. I've always had fairly strong problem solving skills, and I've never had any problems with getting people to open up to me. As a matter of fact, I've been told on numerous occasions that I'm a very easy person to talk to. Most of the time, that's all that people really need in their life. An outside perspective can go a very long way!

Right now, I'm taking a math course during the summer semester at school. Unfortunately, I'm there every night of the week until the end of the month. At least it's not the entire summer, and I'll be able to enjoy a couple months off from school until I begin classes in the fall. Next semester, I'll be taking Psych and Psych statistics. Let's see how I enjoy that before I start making any solid career choices.

On another note, I had my checkup with the endocrinologist the other day. He increased my T dosage, actually talked to me for a while to see how I'm doing and what plans I've made regarding my body, if any. He asked if I planned on having a mastectomy, which I do. I would like to be on T for about a year before I go and do something like that though. I want to give it a chance to work its magic on my body. Not to mention, I would like to have a nice base for the surgeon to work on. I've heard that some surgeons prefer to operate on transmen who have been on T for a while. Others, it doesn't matter either way. I just want to do what's best for my body that will have the most desired outcome. I'm very happy with myself and who I am, regardless of what others think about me and how I look on the outside. I know who I am, and I don't have anything to prove to anyone.

I've got pride, baby!

So, it's June, which means PRIDE!!! I've been decked out in my rainbows and getting out there enjoying the various pride events in the area as much as I can. Granted, it hasn't really been all that easy, what with working 2 jobs and going to class 5 nights a week for 2 hours a night. But, I at least have been getting out there on the weekends with my bff, Jes. If you happen to see us out on the town, you'll see us out having a blast! It's great because a lot of time people ask us if we're together, to which she replies "I'm his hot, lesbian sidekick and he's my homo-chaun." It really is quite hilarious to see some of the confused expressions on their faces. We're just out there having fun! The homo-chaun reference is the best. I'm like a lucky little leprechaun for her when we go out, and since I'm gay, we just mashed it all up together and came up with homo-chaun! Pure genius, really.

I recently moved to Albany and I'm really glad that I did. It got me out of a roommate situation that had definitely soured and put me closer to work, therapy, and other activities that I take part in. I'm using less gas, but it's not like my car was a gas guzzler. Plus, I'm getting out and walking more. The park is a great place to take my wonderful pup, or a lot of times just a walk around town with him is nice. I have a back yard that he can go play in, but it's in serious need of some TLC. My apartment isn't the biggest, or in the best part of town, but it's all mine. Before leaving the old apartment, I sat down with my old roommate and told him exactly why this was the best thing for me and how I felt about how we kind of grew apart as friends. It wasn't really growing apart, but rather he found a girlfriend and couldn't be bothered with anyone else. Nice guy, huh? Not to mention that I thought he was a rude prick for having sex with his girlfriend when he knew I would be leaving for work in a short period of time. I mean seriously...he couldn't wait 1 fucking hour???

Okay, moving on. I've been meeting some really awesome people since I moved, and I hope to continue meeting more. I don't know how many gay transmen there are in the immediate community, but I'm thinking that it's not a lot. I did manage to meet a couple this weekend and really enjoyed talking to them. Great couple of guys! I'm definitely putting myself out there. I'm not looking for anything in particular, other than just to have a good time. Still, it would be nice to make that great, lasting impression on a guy. Some guys (and quite possibly most) can't get beyond the whole guy with no penis thing. As if that's all there is to a guy. Thankfully, those guys are doing a perfect job of weeding themselves out for me. Because let's face it, if they can't accept me for who I am, then they most definitely do not deserve someone as wonderful as I am.