As if my life weren't difficult enough, things get so much more complicated. Whether things will always be this way is still left to be unsaid. After all, no one can see a clear picture of the future. It's going to be a really long journey, being a gay man without a penis. I mean, how is that even going to work? I'm still not sure myself. Oh well, I guess it gives me something to talk about with my therapist.
Things have been a little stale in that area for the past several weeks. They'll at least pick up with talks about my sexuality. I find it almost embarrassing, thinking about talking to a complete stranger (well, almost) about my sexual orientation. I'm not sure she will be able to relate, but I guess she may be able to offer her clinical opinion on how I can identify and deal with my emotions as I learn to accept and overcome the realities of my life.
Right now though, I've reached a plateau in my transition. I've done all I can do for now to appear as male as I can. People who have known me before I started my transition still aren't very accepting of me as a man. Not that they don't accept me for who I am, but they still think of me as a female. They still use female pronouns, even though they have gotten better about calling me Bec. It will take more time, and that's fine. I've learned to accept that, but it's still difficult sometimes when the people I used to talk to and joke around with ignore me and avoid me, finding any way they can to not have to talk to me. It's okay though. They're the ones who are missing out.
Once I start shooting up Testosterone, things will start to happen. Not too much will happen immediately, but over time my body will start changing and I'll be making my way off this stupid plateau. Hopefully I will have my name change by the time I start T. Maybe even sooner...
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